cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
and she was petting her beer can
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
