Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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