I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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