After last night, I could never be a politician.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
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The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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