I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
