Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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