so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
