i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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