fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
