question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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