I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
