I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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