how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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