i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
