If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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