mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
