she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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