OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
