Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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