I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
