Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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