its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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