is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
