Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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