i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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