In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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