Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
