best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
