This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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