The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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