I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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