I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Duck Duck Cougar?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
