Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
