Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
