That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
