Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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