just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
