She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
