Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
