he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize