two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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