Sry I called you an 8
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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