I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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