I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i now understand why vodka
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
