Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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