Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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