I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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