Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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