I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
