Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
