i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
