Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
