How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
