I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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