Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
