she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
