dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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