Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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