ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
