get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
