your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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