dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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