You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
