Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
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i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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